Rioting continues in London, but the markets are up, so don’t worry about it.
If the Dow ends the day up, the economic calamity is clearly over.
The stock market crashing, which means the economy is in the tank. Any talk of Wall Street being almost wholly disconnected from Main Street is strictly prohibited.
Is US debt safe? Under no circumstances should you mention that S&P’s ratings helped crash the economy.
Now that we’ve solved the debt ceiling, let’s focus on jobs. Remember, despite loads of economic research, NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO CREATE JOBS. To ever indicate otherwise compromises your impartiality.
It’s the president’s birthday. All stories must include a reference to Barack Obama turning 50.
Congress did what Wall Street wanted, but stocks are still tanking.
The Senate needs to get some work done today on the debt ceiling, but who cares, because Gabby Giffords came back! Color! Human interest story!
DO NOT under any circumstances mention that this “debt crisis” was no crisis at all, rather just radicals taking everyone else hostage.
Any compromise that occurs between Democrats and Republicans will be hailed as a breakthrough, regardless of substance.
